Haha😅 Trying hard to laugh out what’s inside of me. I really had no reason to laugh, even big time comedy shows and movies are tear jerkers. But I wanted to try, because I wanted to lighten up the burden. I sat down and tried to remember every single memory that made me burst into laughter in the past, then I caught one.
It was a memory of me and him eating at Dunkin Donuts somewhere downtown, it was bavarian filled donut he was munching when he laughed suddenly for no reason and the ecru colored filling started to drip out of his mouth looking like a coughed out phlegm (disgusting!😁) and the persons adjacent to our table saw it, and they were like..EEWW!😨 (big time!) then I bursted into laughter that I had hard time catching my breath and my eyes were already wet of tears (tears of laughter!😍), he was like.. hey! Stop it! You’re embarassing me.. haha😅😂 Hilarious!
Now that I caught that one memory I’m trying so hard to laugh about it. I laughed so hard, thinking wow! it’s working. But a minute later I found myself crying so hard, so hard that caused my chest to tighten. The only memory that would make me laugh when I think of it is now what triggers all the pain I’ve been containing all by myself. Epic fail! Why can’t I just smile and laugh without feeling all the pain? Ah.. maybe because I haven’t embraced acceptance yet. I just can’t and I think I won’t.😭
Photo credit: kickofjoy.com