Smoking is a habit I quitted years ago. I quit because of health reasons, not because I wanted to. I started smoking in middle school, and I like it because I thought it looks cool. Since the day I decided to stop sucking the smoke out of that cigarette butt, I started to hate every single bit of its existence. The smell, the smoke itself, the nicotine and the stains. I started to hate it that I even sounded like my best friend and my sisters who used to scold me during those days. Oh well, people change.
What is this?
One day, I just started babbling, what to do? What to do? It’s because I’m freaking craving for a smoke, after the long years of living without it. I think I’ll be out of my sanity if I don’t. I just needed to. This scenario of panicking to grab a stick was triggered, simply because I was watching videos of T.O.P. and GDragon smoking during their after party in Taipei. And I was freaking shouting like a teenager, Oh My God! How can smoking be so sexy? How can their cigarettes look so yummy? I was being crazy and all that for a minute I forgot I’m not a teenager any more. That I’m a parent who needs to be a role model and that I have a health condition that will be severed if I smoke.
All the while I was thinking, T.O.P. and GDragon can be great endorsers of cigarettes. Each puff is sexy enough to make you say, can I try? And each time the cigarette smoke comes out of their lips, you will definitely say, you can blow them all to me. Goodness gracious! What am I doing? I’m making myself sound so childish amidst my age. Well, I just have to share this. Really! Because it’s the first time since I quit that I allowed myself to be tempted (take note: they are not even right in front of me..) to light a cigarette and place it in my lips. Don’t worry! I’m totally fine and nobody knew it but you, and wasn’t able to finish the whole stick either. I just had to do it, to eventually stop the crazy craving! T.O.P. and GDragon you two were amazing and one of a kind, making something deadly so sexy and tempting is cloud nine. Terrific.
I felt great to know that I am still human, *wink* I can still get tempted. But it’s just for that moment where I allowed myself to be overly excited and experience a manic episode. Lets try not to be carried away by our extreme emotions (I should only tell this to myself). Still this doesn’t mean that I’ll stop following T.O.P. and BIGBANG, smoking is a choice and soon they will be able to choose a different option.
Photo Credit: To their rightful owners.